Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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