New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who died my cat blue again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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