just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
