just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
4 words: hood of his car
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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