i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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