you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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