Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
