i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
