You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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