My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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