idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize