he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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