She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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