I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
