whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
