you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have fence marks all over my body
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
