just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
