Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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