You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
