I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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