I'm passing your future prison.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
