I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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