I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
