I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
