Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
