i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
