He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
