people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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