I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
