Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
