There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
