I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
