If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
