She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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