Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize