I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
