i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
