Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize