My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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