mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
