Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
