We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
