Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
