I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
