if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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