Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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