You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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