i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize