My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
