we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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