dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
