I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
