Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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