I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize