Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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