What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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