If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
