I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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