Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
