You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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