I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
