is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize