low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
