guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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