I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
