Define "chronic" masturbator.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
